Underestimating our own power
OK last post about Steve Jobs, I promise. But something else in Steve Jobs’ biography struck me. Even after Apple became the dominant player in the market, Jobs continued to see himself, and his company, as the underdog, having to defend itself against the dominant players. It was as if everything in his world was still Microsoft and he, and his company, were the rebels. He carried this with him, even when it ceased to be true.
In one of his last battles before his death, Jobs fought to keep apps off of the iPad that he deemed in any way pornographic, obscene, or defamatory. He was very serious about it, and in fact, banned some political ads that were too raunchy, a gay travel guide that showed too much skin, and some mainstream German newspapers that had topless photos.
In a now famous email exchange, Gawker editor, Ryan Tate pointed out to Jobs his hypocrisy. Knowing Jobs was a major Bob Dylan fan, he asked the following:
Jobs is no different in this regard from any one of us. I think it’s a paradox of power that we are experts in the other person’s power, but rather clueless about our own. I’ve seen over and over again conflict escalate because each party underestimates its own power and overestimates that of the other party. It’s a chronic condition to use more firepower than we need, thinking we’re the victims, or the ones in the lower position, even as the other side thinks the same.
As long as we act on how we feel, and not take into account how we’re perceived, we run the risk of escalating conflicts and abusing our power. The question for me, and one that I’m researching right now, is: where does this feeling of powerlessness come from? Why does it tend to be so prevalent, and why is it so hard to identify with one’s own power?
We grow up observing the power-patterns of others around us, especially our caregivers; in addition we are “mirrored” based on those power patterns so by the time we grow up we have a preconceived idea of our power without ever really having tested or become aware/conscious of our own, our potential power. Negative experiences mobilise our emotional system in such way that we learn to anticipate and “hypervigilate” negativity. We internalise that negative “voice” to such degree that we are blinded to how we truly might be perceived – and thus overestimate the other and underestimate ourselves. Our attentional system is fixated on our solar-plexus and when the hit comes it goes into negative overdrive…
So it is vital to become aware and “unlearn” some of those earlier patterns and to learn to manage our own power (according to C. Myss managing your own power equals to self-confidence, I like that concept).
These are my first thoughts in response…
Thanks Rita. Spoken like a true psychologist
I like your formulation that our attentional system is over fixated on a guy response, the solar-plexus… how to act not only from our feelings, but to stop and consider how we may be perceived. that is the challenge.
Yep, it is exactly that “stopping” skill we so need, that space that defines/allows the difference between re-action and response (developing our respons-ability).
Admitting your power means admitting your responsibility, which in turn confronts you with fear of freedom – existentialists would say. Which is an interesting point of view. On the other hand, victim role is very seducing, gives a lot of space to feel “right”, to blame – quitting our responsibility (again…). Interesting.
Yes! I think often of Sartre’s quote: man is condemned to be free. Freedom as chore, responsibility, terror. I think this lies at the root of this, and many things. Thanks Joanna, Julie
This is interesting. I don’t know much about Bob Dylan, and I haven’t read Steve Jobs biography so I don’t know the details but I remember reading that he was somewhat interested in Buddhism.
It occurs to me that you could read this email exchange and interpret it in a different way.
Especially from a slightly Buddhist perspective.
So, I could read Steve Jobs email above as an expression of him acknowledging, assuming and expressing his power (and responsibility) rather than him still being a rebel fighting against something.
He is actually saying that the PC people’s world is slipping away. That doesn’t seem to be projecting power on them, its more like declaring victory!
He is also making a list of freedoms that are important to him. One of the 10 basic Buddhist precepts is something like “refrain from sexual misconduct”. The correlation between porn and sexual misconduct would be something complicated and controversial to discuss.
But if I imagine being a Steve Jobs who is close to death and maybe closer to Buddhism, and really wanting to clean up my karma it’s not farfetched to imagine that I might want to use my power to make it easier for people to avoid porn on some devices.
What do you think?
Good point, Ioan. I can absolutely see the email exchange from that perspective. Whether or not or how he identifies himself we’ll never know, but yes, he is definitely using his power here to make social change.