The year of living selectively
Which path to choose?
Happy new year. This year a lot more space and time opens up for me, as I step down from my role as the director of training at the Process Work Institute. But I’m finding that the freedom of having more space and time comes with a huge challenge. Do I use this time for what’s most important? How do I know which one, of the many paths, I should pursue?
And as I’ve been pondering this, I finished Steve Jobs’ biography and what struck me was his ruthless pursuit of simplicity. Not just simplicity of design; that’s well known. But simplicity of product line. He insisted that Apple should have three, four, maybe five fantastic products, and do them exceptionally, rather than offer dozens of average and indistinguishable products. And to do that, he wasn’t afraid of cannibalizing his own products. He pursued new projects even as they made the current, even highly successful ones, obsolete. The Macintosh put the Lisa out of business; the iPhone integrates all of the functioning of the iPod and led to a decline in iPod sales, and now analysts predict the iPad will cannibalize the MacBook computers.
So back to freedom. Given that everything is possible, what do you put your energy into? There are dozens of paths to pursue, whether we’re talking relationships, career, projects, hobbies, spiritual disciplines, or whatever. And the truth is, they are not all equally important. Choosing what’s meaningful and letting go of what’s not central to your path is not easy. What is core to our purpose on earth is a terribly hard question. Many things can satisfy us, many things are fun and interesting, and many paths can be pursued, even successfully so. When so many possibilities are spread out before us, how do we know what is core, and what is tangential? Some things give us immediate feedback and gratification, which can be confusing. Do we like it because it’s what we’re meant to do, or are we hooked on the buzz of the feedback and success? Some things feel like “the thing to do,” what others are doing, or what we feel we should do, for whatever reason. And then, as I’ve written in another post, there are the sunk costs, the investment we’ve already made in something, which makes it hard to let drop, and convinces us to continue to pursue it.
This is my new year’s reflection. It’s the year of living selectively. Discovering whether each choice, each direction is connected to my core purpose or tangential to it. It’s not something you do once, I’ve discovered. It’s a constant meditation and discipline. And it’s already challenging me. It’s hard for me to say no to things that are interesting, that involve friends and colleagues, that give me immediate feedback and gratification, and that I’ve sunk time and energy into. And it’s also a risk, because it means betting most of your chips on one or two directions. But, the new year also reminds me: life is short. Even shorter than it was. I’ve only got so much time to do what I’m meant to do.
Jules, In 2012 Enjoy the journey. . . Give yourself a chance to relax and enjoy the time you now have. You’ve earned it. There is nothing wrong with sitting back and looking at the opportunities presented to you. . those same opportunities will still be there in 6 months, or a year from now. Remember to stop and smell the roses. . .
Great advice, Lisa. What would I do without an older sister?
Dear Julie
This is such a huge and daring thing to do, this challenge you put yourself for 2012 – “Discovering whether each choice, each direction is connected to my core purpose or tangential to it.” !
And yes, also in my experience it is a constant and more inward and meditative process each one of us has to figure out for her- or himself (and still, I know more and more people trying to do it these times.)
May be it is not only about taking and having more time for yourself. More time just opens space for paying more attention to what is and what else could be – which can be a scary and awesome experience. It needs you as a good listener and feeler towards yourself for where to go next. And as you say, sometimes it is a hard decision to trust, follow and stay with your inner feedback you hear or feel, when it puts you in confusing and unfamiliar places or especially when you get negative feedback from the outside “thinking” world (at first).
I sometimes wonder about this inner compass and even more about the “it” that gives you the self-knowledge and strength to know when to continue a path, when to drop something completely, and when just to look for and change direction… and also the courage to wait with a decision making till the time feels ripe.
All the best for your intention to live selectively in 2012! I also love what your sister says… yes, remember to stop and smell the roses, … and to listen to the river’s stream, to feel the sunshine and to watch the birds fly!
Barbara
Thanks Barbara, I appreciate the reminder to listen and just notice what is in the space!
I going to do this along with you
I know I missed some crucial lesson last year as I feel like I’m in groundhog day.
I am literally starting this year in the same way I did last year
Career on hold, dream opportunity lost, amazing man I love hurt and possiabley estranged forever
Sick, poor, staying with my parents, homeless and flying to Sydney
So i’m not making any plans. I’m going to drug rehab and I will pray and watch!
wish you good luck and hope this year brings the change you’re looking for.
Great invitation, Julie, and something i think about not infrequently.
I have a different perspective.
While i agree that from some viewpoints not all directions may be of equal value, from another perspective, every direction/choice IS equally valuable if indeed that particular choice is the one you are called to in the moment, even if it does not make sense to my rational mind.
But we do agree that noticing and choosing how to spend each moment does require discipline.
One thing i have found myself thinking often these past few months is the question- what if THIS is the moment i was created for?! having this question in my mind helps me be more fully immersed in the moment in whatever i am doing, and also helps me choose how to respond to each moment…
happy new year!
Hi Tamara, I’m not sure we do have a different understanding. You write: “every direction/choice IS equally valuable if indeed that particular choice is the one you are called to in the moment….” So, you’re saying the calling makes that choice more equal than the others, if you catch my drift. And that’s my point, how do we distinguish a calling from another path that fills us with enthusiasm, energy, or feels ‘right’ for whatever reason?
i love this question- it is hard to talk about in a way that really captures the experience…i would add to my earlier comment that whatever we find ourselves choosing (or when circumstances seem to choose for us), it seems that that moment is right no matter what it is, even if it means choosing something different the next moment. But the main thing for me in all this is that there seems to be some sort of :knowing” or sensing that tells us what to choose in the moment, and for me, choosing a “less equal” direction is not necessarily a “bad” thing. or as they say, “it’s all good”, even the choices that might seem less good (-:
Hi Tamara, appreciate that you engage in this deeper. i guess here is where I would go further. I’m not sure I am on board with the “it’s all good”, point of view. There is value in seeing the perfection of what feels like a disappointment, or an error, of discovering where in fact another door opened when one closed, or retrospectively understanding the wisdom of the choice we made. I can look back and see everything as ‘perfect’ using my retrospective vision. But, everything in front of me isn’t equal, and some choices are decidedly ‘bad.’ even wrong. fatal. I think it’s also a question of semantics, Do we mean “good” as in growthful, i learned something, even though it wasn’t the smartest thing to do? Or, do we mean “good” as in every path is equal in terms of its value to us, where it brings us, etc? Hmm, no answers to this yet, requires more dialogue and noodling!
Oh goodie! I love your ponderings. All of a sudden I’m reminded of a dream I had with Tom Hammond, remember Tom? I was able to share the dream with him before he died. And the dream has been a sustaining message. Not one I always live, but one I often go back to. In short, the dream essence was about following your bodies energy as a signal of moving toward or away from something. Tom gave me the gift of saying, I wish I would have lead my life that way, AIDS forced me to lead it this way in the end. Now, I will reiterate, I can’t say I am always in tune with that level of selectivity. And I don’t know if I always have the inner freedom or outer privelege of doing so either. But I wonder???? It connects me to your connection to Steve Job’s simplicity. And what could be more simiple than trusting the energy feed back loop of our body? Either way, I always think, and wish this, if you or someone figures it out, will you let me know
. Ok, ok, I know we each have our own process.
Thanks for sharing the process and helping me tap into my own.
Love,
Mary
Hi, Mary. I ended the post thinking about death, that time is short, and it helps force the issue. Thanks for your comments, reminding me of both death, and the body… in the end it is the body that leads the way. Happy new year to you, Julie
Hi Julie,
It is wonderful to hear of your achievements and to notice the flow of events and energy toward you in this time. I am sure there are many roses to be enjoyed – at least in the metaphorical sense, given the northern winter
?
I like the idea of a calling being a discipline – a constant meditation. Living deeply is not alone a given, it is also a responsibility to oneself beyond temporary needs and desires. Perhaps such a meditation is also a gift others may receive – if noticed?
Thanks for the refined meditation and reflection – always refreshing mate.
May inspiration find you on the wings of a dream!
Big hug,
Ben
Thanks for your thoughts, Ben.
Decisions about what to pursue…a constant in my life as well. So many worthwhile and exciting activites! Music, reading, art, and how to create meaningful work. I’m interested in the process of discovery and discernment. The head has to be involved, of course, but I think the real work has to go on in the heart, or whatever we call that subtle intuitive place. There are so many layers when you tune in to your physical and spiritual sensations and guidance. Good luck, Julie, and to each of us on our paths to discovering what’s essential to our core purpose. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Leslie
Thank you Leslie, and good luck with your pursuits!